A WORD ABOUT MARRIAGE

By Harry E. Berndt

 

As one ages there is an inevitable decline in abilities, but is there also a possible concurrent improvement in one’s insights? When short term memory declines, long term memory sometimes improves. Long term memory improvement is not because short term memory seems to be diminished, but rather because both occur more or less simultaneously as part of the aging process; short term memory because of declining ability and long term memory because of nostalgia, a longing to understand the currents of one’s life. An understanding of History, in this case the history of one’s life, provides insights not available to those who depend on the immediate: who depend on short term memory for insights into the verities of life. Older adults are often considered conservative, but they are not necessarily conservative relative to politics or economics; it has more to do with being conservative relative to societal norms and social issues.   

As a young person living in a rather small industrial town in Western Pennsylvania, I and all the people I knew had never knowingly met or knew a person now referred to as Gay. The word had yet to be invented, and what was termed homosexuality, or vulgarly referred to as queer, was considered as sexually deviant and laws existed criminalizing such behavior. For the most part, we never discussed or thought about the existence of people living that particular life style. It should not be difficult to understand why people born in the 1920s or 1930s find the idea of same sex marriage untenable. Of course, that is not to say that the more cosmopolitan sophisticates among us were unaware or even unaccepting of the gay life style, but for the majority of small town residents the subject was never broached.

 People born after WW II are more likely to better understand society’s changing mores and better able to accept the Gay life style and same sex marriage. Those of us of an older cohort find it more difficult, but most are coming to accept the inevitable, especially those of us considered to be socially liberal. Social conservatives hold to the one man/one woman sexual and marriage position, often basing that position on religious belief.

Once same sex marriage is established and accepted by society the rules and definition of what is meant by marriage will become the issue. Is marriage all about sex and should the saying or song go “Sex and Marriage” rather than “Love and Marriage”? Actually humans, and I suspect most other species as well, are sexual from birth to death. Also, we love all of our lives, which is not necessarily related to sexuality. In either case, it is the mode that is particular to each of us and to each other. Whether one’s sexuality or love is directed toward the same gendered person or that of the opposite is not to be questioned. Then the real question becomes what is meant by marriage. Is marriage about love, sex, both or neither? If one looks to the history of marriage it becomes evident that historically marriage was about contracts. It is still the most prevalent element involving marriage and family. In many, if not most, parts of the world arranged marriages are now and have always been the dominant mode. Contracts are commitments, and the contract of marriage is that of commitment. The phrase “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse unto death do us part” means commitment in the face of all obstacles. It would certainly seem that Gay couples are as capable of fulfilling that commitment as are heterosexual couples. The real problems confronting marriage today, especially in those countries referred to as being in the Western Orbit rather than that of the East or Middle East, are not about same sex or heterosexual; they are much more about commitment and stability. As the concept of commitment has become ever more lax, family stability has been diminished.  

                          

Short Term and Long Term Memory

  As one ages there is an inevitable decline in abilities, but is there also a possible concurrent improvement in one’s insights? When short term memory declines, long term memory sometimes improves. Long term memory improvement is not because short term memory seems to be diminished, but rather because both occur more or less simultaneously as part of the aging process; short term memory because of declining ability and long term memory because of nostalgia, a longing to understand the currents of one’s life. An understanding of History, in this case the history of one’s life, provides insights not available to those who depend on the immediate: who depend on short term memory for insights into the verities of life. Older adults are often considered conservative, but that is not necessarily conservative relative to politics or economics. It has more to do with being conservative relative to societal norms and social issues.   

The Loyal Opposition

By Harry E. Berndt

 

Where is the “loyal opposition”? One wonders if there was ever a loyal opposition, but today’s Republicans represent the antitheses to such an idea. Often one hears comments about how Tip O’Neill and Ronald Reagan worked together to make government work. Chris Mathews beat that idea to death in his book Tip and the Gipper: When Politics Worked, and on his program Hard Ball. This was true as far as the public statements made by either party, but in reality they favored different policies. Tip O’Neill was the ‘Loyal Opposition’.

 Present day examples of the loyal opposition are the remarks by Republican Congressmen and Senators that undermine the very office of the President. One Republican Congressman called the president a liar during his State of the Union address; Michele Bachmann, who talks with God, has called the president anti-American; Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader, stated that his priority is to roll back successful Obama legislation, such as the Affordable Care Act., and Senator Marco Rubio accused the President of “Presidential malpractice”.

A Republican Governor, Mitch Daniels, in response to the president’s State of the Union speech stated, “The status of loyal opposition imposes on those out of power some serious responsibilities; to show respect for the Presidency and its occupant, to express agreement where it exists.” It seems evident that the Republican controlled House doesn’t agree. Speaker John Boehner and the Republican leadership have consistently turned down invitations to attend White House functions and have generally snubbed the President. They often insult the President by innuendo when interviewed and in public speeches. Their conduct is disrespectful of the President and of the Office he holds, and their statements damage the President’s credibility in the world of diplomacy. The victor in a presidential election becomes ‘Our President’, not just the President of those who agree with him. When our elected officials fail to publicly support our country’s stated policies, the enemies of our country benefit. We live in a world where communication is global. The Republicans failure as a loyal opposition is the real mal practice besetting our country. Their opposition to the policies of the President should remain in the halls of Congress and in their meetings with the President. 

The Loyal Opposition --edited